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DO YOU READ ME??!
BareBones Workwear has been invaded.
Yesterday on her walk during break, Content Writer Manda came across a horrifying scene. Just two buildings over from the BareBones HQ, she found an enormous black widow (the corpse of her spouse still chillin’ in the web) and five ticking time-bombs (read: gumball-sized egg sacs).
Seriously. FIVE. F-I-V-E.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IMAGES CONTAIN ACTUAL WILDLIFE INVADING AN ACTUAL WORKPLACE. THESE IMAGES MAY APPEAR DISTURBING TO SOME.
For the moment she is safely locked away behind glass, but as soon as those little nuggets of terror burst open and escape, it is going to be curtains for BareBones and probably the rest of humanity too. And it is only because of these dire consequences that I have decided something must be done: we’re going to kill it with fire.
The scene where this spider resides looks very grim, I’m thinking we should quarantine it or at least get some yellow police tape. That reminds me, do you know the number for the CDC (Center for Disease Control)? Or maybe an industrial exterminator.
Before we break out the flame thrower let’s get safe first. Fire can get out of hand quick, so let’s pump the breaks and suit up. Let’s start with some Fire Resistant Gear.
If I was a dude (or just a human who is generally concerned for their safety and well being), I would want to be both safe and stylish while wielding the elements, something that the Wrangler Men’s Flame Resistant Original Fit Jean, and the Dickies Men’s 11 oz. Ultra Soft Duck FR Hooded Jacket would accomplish.
Boots are a good idea too. Steel Toe is an even better bet, things happen fast when you’re saving the world. McRae Industrial Men’s Low Steel Toe SD Hiker would do great, you never know when you might drop something or maybe that spider could leap from the safety of it’s nest and land on your toe. Good thing you were wearing steel toes, or your foot would be killed with fire too.
But there are a few options out there. I dunno about you, but wearing jeans and a jacket makes me a little weary of all the little nooks and crannies that the terrifying black widow could leap into. One of the most important things about safety?? Not becoming a victim yourself. No way that spider is winning this battle! For full hazmat protection that would make me feel a whole lot safer would be the Bulwark KDE4SB Men’s Chemical Splash Disposable FR Coverall. This is also disposable and pretty cheap, so as soon as that job is done and over with it is going in the industrial trash bin to be incinerated. We are taking no risks.
It seems like flame resistant clothing is solely made for men, which makes perfect sense seeing as the entire female population is born impervious to fire, bad hair days, and catcalling. But personal protection and safety is for all genders. All living things, really. When it comes to saving the world from a Black Widow spider invasion, gender takes no name.
Other Personal Protective Equipment (known as PPE in the biz) that is needed would be safety glasses and all leather gloves. Did you know that the flames can reach a temp of 1200F??! That would melt your skin off before you can say I forgot to wear gloves!! Good thing BareBones WorkWear has plenty of safety goggles and gloves to choose from. The DeWalt DPG95-1D Adult’s Framework Glasses Clear One Size would do just the trick. All leather gloves are highly recommended, such as the Carhartt A552 Adult’s Insulated Leather Driver Glove.
We will need to post an update after we combat this spider family. Until then, we are keeping our doors locked tight and killing any type of spider or spider looking object within a 1 mile radius.
I am going to enjoy this last weekend and then, come Monday, I will be cancelling the apocalypse.
Send all prayers and tokens of appreciation to 8555 Weyand Way.