Whoa, yeah I bet you were looking for work wear, but then you stumbled upon a blog post about VIDEO GAMES, specifically Journey, Mass Effect 1, and Dead Space 1. Let’s talk about their fashion in relation to work apparel and safety gear, shall we? You know, so you can go to work thinking that you’re prepared for danger and adventure or whatever, just like in those video games you love so much (but hopefully you won’t end up shooting anyone or having to rip apart mutated and mangled human beings).
ISN’T THE INTERNET A COOL PLACE?
Stop distracting the reader and let me get to the point, Internet. (lol jk never stop distracting)
I used to play video games all the time, but school, work, and making art has all but taken up my precious video game time. WHAT, YOU SAY? NO TIME FOR VIDEO GAMES?
I’ve always been more of a casual player anyway. It all began with Super Mario Bros. on the NES, then Maniac Mansion, then Pokemon, then arcades with DDR and Pump It Up, then Mario Kart 64, then Halo, then Super Smash Bros. Brawl, then… not much. I get too nervous when I play anything much more challenging than those aforementioned games, and most of the time people won’t let me play their games enough so that I can get better at them. Because other than a casual gamer, I am also a terrible video gamer. GAMERS WHO ARE BAD AT VIDEO GAMES UNITE!
CUT TO THE CHASE, CAT (or to the 27-minute cutscene?)
What a beautiful and calming game. It’s completely exploratory, super artsy, and you can’t die so you don’t have to get anxious about that blinking red health bar. There’s adventure, danger (well… you don’t die, but you might have to go back to the beginning), mystery, friendship (you may encounter other players in the game), fictional history, and magic.
In this game, you explore desert lands, ancient water-filled caves, and frosty summits. So you go from super hot to damp to freezing. Sounds legit. In the game, your character wears only a hood, a loose poncho, and a growing scarf that gives you the ability to jump/fly (much in the same fashion that you would in dreams… or at least, that’s how it is for me). You can prepare in a similar fashion with some good old composite toe wellington boots so you don’t stub your toe on some hidden stone ruins (probably want to stay away from steel toe or alloy toes, as the extreme heat and cold temperatures might make that a little irritating to your feet. Watch out for steel shanks, too). Protect your eyes from the blaring sun and the blinding snow with these babies, the DeWalt Framework Glasses, which also offer high impact protection (in case you fail to hide when there’s a bone dragon nearby). Then you might want some hoodies, neckwarmers, and warm hats for the cold. Throw some Ironclad Cold Condition gloves in there, too.
The awesome game series by BioWare. I’ve only just begun to play Mass Effect 1 (and by “play” I mean that I’m making all the dialogue calls and my partner shoots stuff because I am too frail and weak of nerve… even though I’m trying to be much like Kendra Shaw), but I’ve heard some really amazing things about its plot and character development that I can’t wait to see for myself.
Ummm so I’m playing as femshep. Hellllllllsss yeaaahhhhhh She’s super badass and super hot to boot. To what boot? To safety boots? Well, if you say so!
If you’re at work bored with a staple gun, or runnin’ around shooting things in unfamiliar territory, then ya, maybe you want some safety toe shoes. Maybe you want to put some protective armor on, or maybe some Under Armour under that… armor. And if you’re anything like me, you’re probably going to be stumbling around like you’re drunk, screaming your face off while running away from aliens (in Casual mode). Yeah. So you probably want some knee pads because you’re gonna be doing a lot of falling (not just the love kind, either).
Speaking of screaming, I have recently gotten a friend to play scary video games for me while I watch. Why? Because I’m fascinated in the concept of terrifying video games, but I’m too much of a sad kitten to play them myself.
Unfortunately, my first introduction to the game was the animated movie (BAD. Not even funny-bad). But in the past month, I have been re-introduced to the terror that is Dead Space. It’s similar to Mass Effect 1 in that you start out on a mission to investigate/retrieve some sort of ominous artifact. You get to the ship/planet and realize that EVERYTHING HAS GONE TO POOPS. YES. POOPS. There’s some sort of alien organism/disease spreading around, killing people and making people kill other people. ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN KILLED KILLING OTHER PEOPLE. BUT WAIT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE. THERE ARE SPIDER-LIKE THINGS WITH BABY HEADS AND TINY ABDOMINAL HANDS CRAWLING ABOUT TRYING TO KILL YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU LOVE. Yeah. So. Poop’s crazy around here (so glad that I get censored because poop is wayyyy more entertaining this way). You probably need some more protective gear.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I thought that Isaac’s suit seemed kind of unrealistic. Like, he was sort of wearing a tailored potato sack with a shining beacon of a Daft Punk helmet. Iono man. Iono. And with all that wheezing he was doing? His mask must’ve had a mean ventilation system. Either that or he’s really got to get in shape.
Anyway, if you’re into working with fire (or the flamethrower is your weapon of choice), check out this TECGEN FR Overall for some great flame resistant protection. And maybe you want to be a space cowboy with this cowboy hard hat. You heard me right, hombre. Except you didn’t hear me at all because you’re reading this text right now IN SOMEONE ELSE’S VOICE. Maybe yours, BUT MAYBE NOT. Unrelated, sometimes I like to use Morgan Freeman’s voice as the narrator of whatever I read. Moving right along past the floating dismembered limbs and freaky alien baby scorpions, maybe you want a Nomex FR hard hat liner for that cowboy hat of yours so you can giddyup on away from the flying cannibal hu-manta rays as you spray fiery death at them.
SOUNDS LEGIT, RIGHT?
Now get on out of here to play your video games all night, then work all day with video games still in mind. That’s right. Because you can be a welder, an electrician, even an artist and still play video games.
Mass Effect (BioWare), Journey (thatgamecompany), Dead Space (EA games)
Pro Wrestling (1986)